The One With B52

This is one of the funniest incidents of my life…………

It was close to 4 months after my transfer from Mumbai to Nagpur & I was back in Mumbai for Diwali break. A good 2 week break, especially if you take it after a year and half of back breaking field work.

So we decided to meet for dinner at our favorite restaurant. One of the things common amongst us was that we were all foodies or food hoggers I would rather say and not to mention that we were highly spiritual if u know what i mean.

It was Me, Pratik, Salil, Cliff, and Amit. we met at barbeque nations, it was almost a decade since we knew each other and things had really changed since then. Earlier it used to be road side Chinese stalls, local dhabas and now it was BBQ Nations , Pizza Huts, etc... we upgraded ourselves spiritually also from Zingaro beer Mcdowells and Alkazar Vodkas to Carlsberg, Chivas Regal and Smirnoff or Simranoff. (as Rakhi sawant would say)

So here we were discussing as to how desperate we were for a change of job thanks to RECESSION!!! and then came our first round of drinks, it was the TEQUILA for starters. We gave a countdown to it.

5 4 3 2 1 Gulp……Gulp……….Gulp

And we were back to snacking and discussing stocks, movies, professors, old college pranks etc…. then it was time for the 2^nd round of drinks. This time we decided to order drinks for each other. It was something we had never done before. It could be anything on the menu.

So the order was

Amit for Salil: Chivas Large

Salil for Amit: Long Island Iced Tea

Pratik for Cliff: Cherry Rum Fizz

Cliff for Pratik: Mojito

Well we were only 5 that day so Pratik decided to order for me

Pratik for Me: B52

B52 hmmm………….. I had never tasted it before but the name sounded quite interesting.

Actually if u Google B52 you will come to know that it’s an American fighter plane used for bombing enemy territory, I knew this (sometimes too much information leads to over imagination u will come to know why???) so I thought that this drink would be something like the B52 airplane.

It would be so strong that would make me feel as if I were flying or it would bomb my brain’s out, expecting to be a strong mix of all drinks, some sort of a large drink.

What came was an absolute brain shocker, I expected it to be a 300-400 ml drink it turned to be a 30 ml shot.

Just to confirm I even asked the waiter “ Baaki ka drink kidhar hain” he very calmly said sir “B52 itna hi aatta hain”

Everyone off them burst out laughing especially Pratik. Even the waiter couldn’t stop laughing

Well the second shocker was the price of that drink Rs.350/-ONLY. All of a sudden as if recession had struck me. These people laughed even more after knowing the price…

I have experimented on food before like bitter salads and kulfi @ Sheraton may be I will talk about them later but this ones the most laughed about………….

Well i can't forget these incidences cos some people wont let me forget them !!!!!

Hope u had a good laugh..

Cya till the next time

Bribe Vouchers to help INDIA Battle Corruption

Bribe Vouchers to Eradicate Corruption from the Country

After numerous schemes and loads of money wasted in fighting corruption, here’s my idea to fight corruption amongst the civil servants.

This is how its gonna work.

Bribe Vouchers will be introduced by government anti-corruption body.

These vouchers will be available at all the SBI branches. The vouchers will be available in denomination of Rs. 100/- and will have to be purchased from the bank by the person from now on to be referred as ‘victim’ who has been asked to pay a bribe. Those bribe vouchers will be paid to the government official from now on to be referred as “corruptor” who has asked for the bribe. A supreme court appointed NGO will keep a track of such transactions.

It will be mandatory for the corruptor to accept those vouchers. The victim will have to maintain the record as to how many vouchers have been given to corruptors. Once the corruptor accepts the vouchers it will be mandatory for him to do the work for which he has asked the bribe. There will be time limit of 3 months for the corruptor to do the job. Once the job is done by the corruptor, he needs to submit the vouchers to the bank, which will then be reimbursed to the victim. 90% of the amount will be given back to the victim. 10% percent deducted as service charges for the bank. The entire bribe amount will be then deducted from the corruptor’s salary.

Incase the corruptor does not do the job, after 3 months the same amount will be deducted from his salary or his pension or gratuity amount. The victim would be compensated 90% of the amount. 5% of amount would go toward to bank service charges and 5% would be given to an NGO as fee, which will then help the victim.

If the corruptor has taken the vouchers, done the job & not submitted them to the bank, after 3 months it will be considered as job not done and will result in deduction from corruptor’s salary.

If the corruptor refuses to accept these vouchers his name, division, rank, amount taken as bribe needs to be submitted to NGO who will then take the case and help the victim. If the corruptor don’t improve or are harassing victims they will be suspended from their posts and all benefits will be revoked for life term including retirement benefits.

The NGO will also maintain a data of incorruptible officers from now on known as “The Untouchables” they will be paid a yearly bonus for being honest and maintaining the dignity of their jobs. The list of Untouchables will be maintained to secure the reputation of “The Untouchables” so no one tries to make false claims against these people.

The Untouchables will be audited on a quarterly basis via mystery audits to keep a check on them.

Noticing that honesty pays and corruption does not will make people change their attitudes and hence reducing corruption amongst the government officials.

Hope this works!!!!!

CA's in MARKETING

IIM's threaten to cancel the degrees of Marketing Alumni with CA background.

:-By Marketing Times

Well the IIM's have taken a shocker of a decision by cancelling the Marketing degrees of people with CA background.....

The decision came as such a shocker that the sensex plumated by 2000 points.........

Our feild correspondent had a word with IIM spokes person Mr. Batul Agrawal as to why such a drastic step was taken.... below are some excerpts from the conversation

MTC(Marketing Times Correspondent) :Mr Batul why such a decision is being taken ???

B.A: Well we have been observing for quite sometime now that most of the our marketing alumni having CA background takeup top positions in coporates..... and then all they do is cut cost...... any new marketing initiative is a cost to them, ........ like marketing becomes more of a burden to the organisation.... hence such a drastic step was taken..

MTC: can you tell some organisations where such things have happened ????

B.A: well its happening almost everywere for e.g the txtile major is known for cost cutting, they recruited a IIM grad Mr. M.B Kumar, he is VP sales... in 3 years what he did was bringing down cost, nothing related to marketing was done by him... and all the initiative that were brought to his desk, he declined it saying we dont have any budgets or... it is too much of a cost.........Things like CRM, Advertising are suffereing..under him, we also came to know that his boss Mr. ADP was very much impressed with him, but we have got him transfered to other dept. and we are trying to get a new boss for Mr. Kumar. Its all being done to save Marketing, Marketing in this organisation has become a mere accounts dept who just passes bills, and co-ordinate with Sales a/c for credit & debit notes.

MTC: Well as times are tough he might have been right ???

B.A: Marketing has always been tough, & its only in the toughest of times that out of the box marketing startegies are made and implemented....u have to throw-in money to make money, cutting costs only kills the whole marketing agenda and this has also brought the institute a bad name..

MTC: Bad name to IIM's how would that be???

B.A: well his co-workers who were not from our institutes started giving us bad names they use to taunt " IIM walo ne is company ki Maa Ch@# di " and like " IIM wale market nahi jaate unhe pata hi nahi kya chahiye market mein" and "IIM wale sirf cost cutting kar rahe hain" things like that. It is giving a bad example to our students whose core subject is marketing.

MTC: You mean to say that these people are using more of their CA skills then their Marketing Skills??

B.A Yes thats exactly what i am trying to say they take good jobs bcos of our marketing degree , they get best of the salaries bcos of our degree, they get instant recognition becasue of us and in the end. what do they give back to the institute, they appreciate other companies marketing activites but they themselves dont do anything, they become cost conscious... and fuck up the system. things like this give a bad name to our institute.... This will not be tolerated at any cost.

MTC: so what d u propose ????

B.A: well from now on we will be keeping a strict vigil on these guys, and there would be tri-annual feedback which would be taken from there sub-ordinates and their fates would be decided.... i mean if they only want to cut cost.... they can do that while they are CA's,... they dont need our institute degrees for that....

I have also started "Marketing Bachao Andolan" a community on Orkut and Facebook wherein we are urgin people to come forward and tell us the names of such people who are doin these things. we have had an overwhelming response and have got more than 3000 names. we will be working on them.

MTC: Well is this some sort of a campaign to save marketing ??

BA: YES its a REVOLUTION in the making!!!!!!!

MTC: On a personal note if u had your own organization what would u have done to prevent such a thing??

BA: Well i would have got the following graffiti outside my marketing dept: "DOGS ALLOWED CA's NOT" CA's Get the FUCK outta here" or " If Marketing is a cost they you are DEAD Meat" etc...

Well this shows that the IIMS really are taking up drastic measure to save marketing. this is just a start or as Mr. Agrawal said a start of revolution..........

The above blog is just for pure entertainment purpose and has nothing to do with real people or actual organization.

SUCCESS- Just a Thought wht say !!!!!!

This is after having achieved little success

these are just thoughts and questions in my mind......

Why isnt success in excess and failure out of supply ????
every body craves for success and cribs about failures,
everytime u do some thing good there are many people to claim
and vice versa in case of a job gone wrong
"making Success a Bastard & Failure an Orphan"

People run after success while failure chasing them
I say try the opposite run behind failure will success chase you ????

Success is a Ditcher it's just there for a while
but failure is loyal its stays around

for Success u need to RUN along
while in failure u take a break and check whts gone wrong.

Success after success makes u complacent
while failure after failure you are experienced


it is said " try and try till u succeed"
means u will face failure till u find success that means
if u chase failure, u will find success..........
.

I Work On a SAturday

i always had a weekend off

be it college,be it school i always had 2 days off

now i work on weekdays,
cribbing that i work on a saturdays

readily waiting for a friday, 2 njoi the days ahead
i end up telling pals i have a working day ahead

so wht do i do on a saturday
i eat, i chat i blog, i scrap,
taking the bosses usual crap
Excel Powerpoint, & mails all day
knowing that i could have njoied this day


I work an extra day,hoping to get extra pay,
I lost my day, never got that extra pay
so i took an off on coming saturday,
Boss said you will have to work next day
making sure i dont njoi that saturday

I DREAM

Dreams as they say " come and go" make u work-hard to and fro
I dream to make it big some day of life being happy night and day
Some dreamz crash at the bay some crash mid-way some take-off not knowing where they will land while some end in a quick sand
With every passing day, i realize my journey of life still @ bay then a sudden change and i leave bombay,
In a new city i make hay
I dream to make it big some day
Away from family away from friends i think my dream journey is about to begin.
very slow is the pace, feels like the turtle of the race
i hear that slow and steady wins the race

Now that the journey has begun, not knowing where to turn
Only knowing that its gonna be one hell of a ride.
Not knowing whether lucks on my side.

leaving luck and taking courage i feel stronger by the day
now i know i am gonna make it big some day.........